Bibliostyle: Catherynne M. Valente’s “Radiance”

 

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Above: Trussardi Fall 2015

The window stayed shut. The door swung open and a pair of long, long legs slid out. Legs like a pilgrimage. Silver stockings, pumpkin pumps, suit green as the salads I haven’t seen in years. Her scarf was a scrap of silk the same colour as the Talbot, disappearing down her cleavage–which, I’m happy to report, was both substantial and on display. The dame didn’t even get out. She leaned her elbows on her knees and plunked her sweet little face down into her hands. She was tall, but delicately built, like a moth. She had rouge on, but not a slut brand. The expensive stuff. The kind that comes in colours with names. The kind that comes from home. From Earth, where you can make anything as easy as tripping and falling. Lipstick to match her shoes. Eyelashes as long as my thumb, tipped in a soft fuchsia fringe. Nails to match her big violet eyes. I bet she had the shade done up special–the nails or the eyes; I wouldn’t know which. A classy piece by any measure. She smelled like accounts receivable. She looked like old money. The kind of money that can ship a Talbot all the way to the outer planets without chipping the paint.

  • From Radiance by Catherynne M. Valente

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Above: Missoni Fall 2015

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Above: Miu Miu Pre-Fall 2016

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Above: Versace Resort 2016

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Above: Mary Katrantzou Pre-Fall 2016

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Above: Rosie Assoulin Resort 2016

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Above: Camilla and Marc Pre-Fall 2016

Playlist: vaguely illicit

“There was about Alexandra something of the impervious calm of the fatalist, always disconcerting to the very young people, who cannot feel that the heart lives at all unless it is still at the mercy of storms; unless its strings can scream to the touch of pain.”

  • from O Pioneers! by Willa Cather

 

Looking for other playlists by The Closet Feminist? Check out our first mix, “Breastfeeding Jams” here.

vaguely illicit Track List

  1. Hold the Line by Jack + Eliza
  2. Bent Out of Shape by Young Rival
  3. Easily by Grimes
  4. Corners by Shitwolf
  5. Young by Frankie Cosmos
  6. I’d do you (demo) by Honeys Dream Tapes
  7. One Too Far (Shy Girls Remix) by Jack + Eliza
  8. You Dream of China by Emily Wells
  9. Little Boys by New Shack

 

Gloss over This: Michelle Monaghan

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“People keep asking me about turning 40 with some kind of negative connotation,” explains Monaghan. “And it’s only women asking me, I must say. I find it sad that we can’t say to each other ‘Congratulations.’ At what point did we stop celebrating life and accomplishments?”

  • Michelle Monaghan in “Birthday Girl” by Sarah Laing in Elle Canada May 2016

Covers & Content: May 2016

How did major Canadian fashion magazines stack up this month in terms of diversity? Read on to find out.

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The Cover Star: Shay Mitchell

Perceived Appearance of Cover Star: Mixed race

Does the magazine appear to feature any models of colour in the editorials?: There was one fashion editorial in this issue, starring one thin, white model.

Does the magazine appear to feature any plus-size models in the editorials?: No

ElleCanada_may2016_Cover_QUEENBEY

 

The Cover Star: Beyoncé

Perceived Appearance of Cover Star: Black/mixed race

Does the magazine appear to feature any models of colour in the editorials?: No. There were two fashion editorials in this issue. The first starred two thin, white models. The second starred one thin, white model.

Does the magazine appear to feature any plus-size models in the editorials?: No

 

 

The Cover Star: Olivia Munn

Perceived Appearance of Cover Star: Mixed race

Does the magazine appear to feature any models of colour in the editorials?: There was one fashion editorial in this issue, starring one thin, white model.

Does the magazine appear to feature any plus-size models in the editorials?: No

Hilarious Ralph Lauren ‘Tender Romance’ Fragrance Ad Campaign Fail

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Normally we don’t do a lot of beauty stuff here on The Closet Feminist, but when I saw this ad for the current Ralph Lauren fragrance campaign for “True Romance,” I admit I was instantly amused.

A visual for Ralph Lauren's Tender Romance ad campaign.I mean, just look at the gal in the picture–she is CLEARLY not feeling this.

A visual for Ralph Lauren's Tender Romance ad campaign.

 

Tender Romance my ass. Just look at these pics then head on over to The Toast and read any one of these five hilarious posts (you’re welcome.):

Women Slipping Out Of Embraces In Western Art History

“Oh…No, My Thing Is Happening”: Women Leaving Tactfully In Western Art History

Don’t Stand So Close To Me: People Ignoring Personal Boundaries In Western Art History

Women Trying To Say “No” Politely In Western Art History

Women Trying To Politely End Conversations With Men In Western Art History

 

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